A little confession

I can't even remember what grade I was. I was really little. There isn't a day that the pain of what I did doesn't hurt, I did him wrong. I just wasn't sure what to say to them because when I told them he hadn't done anything or I'd never met him they didn't believe me. They shouldn't have asked me, I was so little.

He was a middle schooler I think, they said he was a bully and had been hurting people. they wanted me to say I had seen him do it on the bus. But I hadn't and I told them that. They thought I was afraid to tell because he had threatened me, but I don't even remember this guy, I had never seen him in my life.

So throughout the day teachers would stop me and ask about it. I had library that day and I remember being held after (my recuess time) and I remember sitting outside of the teachers office on the carpet with my back to the way. She told me it was okay to tell if someone was hurting others. I was so confused.

To this day I still have a wild imagination. So I formed a story in my mind throughout the day. I wasn't going to tell anyone at all, honestly. But that night my mom was waiting for me at the table after school. She sat me down and wouldn't let me leave until i told her about this guy. I didn't want to lie, and I told her I didn't know him, never saw him, and that they must've had that wrong bus or something. She didn't believe me  so I told her my made up story. It involved my brother and the guy poking him.

I thought Nathan would tell my mom it never happened but to my surprise he never told her my story was fake. It was like he just went along with it. The guy was expelled from our school. Ever since I've felt responsible, I was a little kid, and I shouldn't have been put in that situation. It shouldn't have happened. And the adults should have believed me.

I don't know why I brought this up, I just needed to get it out. I'm a ninth grader and I'm pretty sure This happened back in 2nd grade or first. I have never told anyone the truth about this. No one. I just want to tell that guy I'm sorry, he didn't deserve that even if he was a bully, I hadn't seen anything and shoulda kept to the truth and let someone else say he had done whatever he had done.

annoying things

Annoying everyday things that are said... Maybe you agree....

"Are you okay?" When ur obisly not.

"Things will get better..."

"Oh yeah that sucks but....."

"Don't yell at me!" When you are speaking oober soft

"Well someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed."

"Do you want to hear my story from this weekend?"

"No."

"So I was blah blah blah...."

"Stop being such a baby!"

"Klutz! Good thing we didn't name you Grace"

"Turn your phone off, and talk to me for a while." That's my reasoning for having phone on, I dont want to talk!

"You're wearing that?"

"Clean up this mess."

"Oh, take my plate/dish out and get me a water."

"Dog!"

"God! I'm soooo sick of living in a pig pen!"  And like 2 things of clothes are on the ground.

Nervous Ticks

I know a lot of you dont know me so I just thought I'd tell you a little secret..... you have to promise not to tell anyone!!.....

I have nervous ticks!

Yupps that's my secret. I'm amazing and all but I do have my problems.... Like the fact that without my gum I am completely lost, I fidget and squirm. Tap my hands on my desk and my legs bounce uncontrollably. With my gum I am a little calmer. But not much.  I stutter, stammer, babble, and do all sorts of odd things. I can't really control it. I have to do it and it calms me down at the expense of others. I dont really have any special technical for solving it. Listen to music, chew gum, repeat myself at least a dozen times, yeah thats about it. Nothing to special just a random topic, like always... OOOOOOOOOOOOO i do have a q for you reader tho.... Do u think i should create a youtube and if I do do you have any videos in particular ud want me to do?

apologize

In regards to my latest comment... Comment 4! anyway I just want to help here. Step, I know for a fact the you apologizing has just become something like a routine. A habit.. In a lot of ways that's different from me but if you think about it you can't let your saying sorry get in the way. Like I said before it doesn't have to be a forever change, maybe it's just a day. A day when you tell your friends that you really want to help them but you have your own stuff going on. That today they have to find help amongst themselves. I'm not saying that you have to completely write them off but just tell them how YOU are doing. Let them in. Cutting the crap out of life makes it much less stressful, trust me. Recently I did and I liked how it felt but I'm not sure I could do it everyday of my life. So just try it for a day and come back and tell me how it goes.... And just so you know, your poems are good. :~)

Try this... for me

Lets cut the crap. Just for today if it makes you feel better. Try it, just explode, let them know how you really feel. For one day lets not bottle it up for later, let's not cry in private, lets just let it go.

I wanna try this. If you do to comment. Tell me how it goes, even if you don’t want to comment, tell me why. Even if you just try it means something to me. It shows that we aren’t alone in the world. We aren’t the only ones that have things going on in our lives that we can’t escape. I know life is hard for many of us. For all sorts of reasons and it’s okay to struggle. But we don’t have to struggle alone, life isn’t meant to suffer all the time. God wants it to get better, I strongly believe that. I don’t know why bad things happen to people it really doesn’t make sense to me either. I don’t know why some of us hate what happens around us but we can’t do anything.
 
I hate my home life, I didn’t use to but I do now. My dad had a stroke and its changed him. I feel he takes it out on me because he only yells at me. My mom got a job after 14 years of working or my dad, she went back into nursing. She’s always stressed and she thinks that I should be doing everything she use to. Im 14! I just can’t, I wanna be a kid like my brothers got to be. Oh yeah my brothers. I’d rather not discuss that -its that bad- I wish that things would change for me. I really do but I’m so scared that I’ll say something wrong and be in more trouble that I don’t.


I’ve bottled it up and yeah if you do the same as me you know how much it hurts. You know the feeling, and you just want to lock yourself in your room and cry and hide away from everyone. You just want to be left alone and live life in your own way....


I have a science teacher, I like him sometimes but ya know others I really could go without his opinions. Anyway he was talking to us last year about this little fact that I believe is really true. It’s about a family and the children and how the parents work... The oldest child can get away with murder (hypothetically of course), the parents are just learning... Exhibit A-Anthony, then the second kid gets some more rules, that’s Nathan... The middle child can barely get out of the house without an interrogation. That me.... and the youngest, well the parents are too tired from the rest that they just kinda give into everything... that would be the twins for me. I can’t even go the library without having a long talk about safety! So I’m not lying about not feeling belong, most middle children don’t. I don’t feel trusted and I feel like everything's my fault. It’s hard to find good friends who don’t take advantage of that factor...


I want to know how it would feel to just let everyone know how I feel, to just scream out that I’m sick of all the crap that happens. I want to be a kid! I want to have a life! I wanna be me!

So if you know how I feel, if you want to do this, even if you don’t, comment. Please. Just let me know what you think, how you feel. I’m here for you, and you should always know that.

-Claire Davis


"This pain is just too real, these wounds won't seem to heal, there's just too much that time cannot erase"

"The bad stuff is always easier to believe. Ever notice that?"-Pretty Woman

this is a story I was writing.... What do u think?

So ummmmm..... Yeah, first day at a new school.  Just like every other year.  My mom just started unpacking and in about three months dad will tell her to start packing up again because when summer comes he'll be relocating us. This happens every year. Really it's the only reason they gave me a laptop, and a phone. 
Yeah like it makes up for every second of sitting in a car! And this house doesn't even have Internet yet and my phone is broken. So it's amazing here. Well at least it's sunny most days and it rains but doesn't snow. That's good just because I don't like snow all that much. Katie (my sister) is unpacking yet another years worth of stuff into a room that she claimed. I however am sitting in a chair in the basement. Dad thought family rooms should be furnished first. 
I don't mind, I mean really it's fine. And  there is a room down here that'll be mine.  I'm just going to sleep on the couch tonight though.  Mom has already started pestering my about unpacking. I just forget about unpacking and take what I need out when I need it. I guess I could unpack the four boxes I have if I really wanted to, but I don't. It just means I'm getting comfortable and we are going to move!
"Elise! Wait up!" 
"What happened to not knowing each other?"
"Oh yeah, sorry but I wanted to ask you something. Have you made any friends?" Katie stretched out any like I was hopeless or something
"No, what's the point? We're just going to move and I'm going to leave them and be alone in the next town."
"Dad promised..."
"Dad promised a lot of things, and look at how many he kept. Zip, zero. zilch. Why would he keep one so unimportant?" 
"Stop it, he's trying."
I shrugged and gathered my books and walked quietly and quickly down the hall to my first class. I only knew my schedule a little. I knew for a fact that Katie and I didn't have any classes together. It made me laugh considering that every other school thought it necessary to put the twins in the same class. 
My first class had a full room. One seat was opened so I figured that the teacher  knew exactly how many students she was going to have. I went to the seat and pulled out my books. Someone else's stuff was lying out all around the table. As much as I tried I had to clean it up a little. I piled up the books and put them on the end of the table. I put the pencils in a neat little row and put the eraser on top of the books. 
I'd never admit this to my mom but I'm a complete neat freak. I don't want to make her to happy, what's the point? Plus she'll never know that I'm a neat freak, it just won't happen with all the moving that we do. 
The teacher walked into the room as I was thinking about weather of not the pencils would look better horizontal or vertical, at this moment they were vertical so that they wouldn't slide around on the desk. "All right people, into your desks, break's over. Quiet, we have a lot to do today." The teacher was a shorter woman wearing heels and a pencil skirt with a blazer jacket and a pink shirt under it. Her hair was in an up do like bun. She wore glasses, she reminded me of a person from a movie. Unrealistic. 
A boy came over to the desk next to mine. I thought, 'go figure, no guy is clean.'   He sat down and looked at his things. The teacher started talking about history and all the projects we'd be doing this quarter. The boy pulled out his notebook from the bottom of the pile and grabbed a pencil. I had just decided I should have lade them horizontal. He started writing on it and them tore off the small piece of paper and passed it to me. 

Thanks for cleaning up my mess. :) 

No problem. 

I passed the note back to him. He looked over and smiled, just a smile though. I went back to quote on quote "listening" to the teacher. Really i was reading a book on my phone. My sister had sent it to me a few weeks ago begging me to read it. No better time then the present. 

The next time I actually looked up there was another note on my side of the desk. I was about to open it when the teacher called out my name. "Elise, will you please introduce yourself... Come up here and tell us a little about yourself." My cheeks burned as I walked up. I haded introductions in schools. 

I made my way to the front and looked down at my shoes. I wore a pair of flip flops out of the target dollar section, they were yellow and had that owl from the tootsie pop commercials. I had on a pair of short shorts and a pink fourth of July tee-shirt. I began, "I'm Elise Wright, I have a twin sister and my family moves almost every year." I was about to walk back to my seat when someone asked me a question.

"Where was your favorite school?" I shrugged

"I don't really have one, I was never anywhere long enough to decide a favorite." And then I walked/ran back my seat. The note was still there. I pulled it into my lap and opened it. My cheeks were hot and I was so embarrassed. I remember that every year me and Katie were in the same class and had to talk she would be up there for the whole class if the teachers would have let her. I was 30 seconds of mumbling and then a run back to my desk.

This class is boring and all but I'd keep the texting to a minimum... She really likes catching people and keeping the phones. Just warning you.

Oops, he's probably right, sadly. I jammed the note into my pocket and 'payed attention' to the rest of class. It was so boring and I wondered if a lot of these kids had failed last year and were forced to take it again. No way anyone would want to take this class. "That's class. Now get outta here!" She pointed to the door and everyone got up. I immediately grabbed my stuff and headed for the door. I dropped my book and folder filled with papers after I tripped over the desk leg. 

"You should be more careful. You could get hurt on these things." It was him, "I'm Lucas, Luke for short."

Bugs me!

I know this is absolutely weird but I thought that that since I'm so bored today and we don't have school might as well make this list.... Its a bugs me list.

1. When people send the same forward to me 100 times
2. Most forwards, unless they have music or a picture!
3. When I can't find something I really needed
4. When I forget something at home and I needed it
5. When others make me feel less then what I am
6. Slow walking people
7. When people ask me the same question that I Just answered
8. Liars
9. People who only like you because they know you'll do something for them
10. Cheaters
11. Lazy people
12. When I get yelled at for something I didn't do
13. Braggers
14. Haters
15. When someone as someone else tell me that that person is mad at me
16. Stupid comments
17.When youtube videos buffer
18. Cleaning
19. Cheese
20. And most foods!